Delightful Disnoids

27Mar08

For the second time today I find myself poised above the typewriter bit of my electrical computer, about to relate a pop cultural memory. A memory from a long long time ago in a galaxy far, far (but not far enough) away. A memory from a movie that overused anthropomorphically sentimentalized robots to the point where even the famously polite C3PO was heard to say “For FUCK’S SAKE!… I’m going to puke” and ejected a gut load of viscous droid juice onto R2D2’s dome. A memory that I wish get sucked down the titular BLACK HOLE featured in the movie itself.

It was 1979, Disney was cashing in on the current science fiction craze, and goshdarn it they were going to make their robots cuter than any robot that had ever, or was ever going to, exist. If Disney did a film about the Jonestown massacre they would portray Jim Jones as having eyes the size of hubcaps and a goofy smile broad enough to fit a senator in sideways. Come to think of it, with the cocktail of medication he pilfered from his cult members that might be quite an accurate look.

There were three robots I remember being in the Black Hole. There may have been more, but I was five at the time and wasn’t concentrating on remembering the details for thirty years later. Anyway check out this wanker…

V.I.N.CENT

His name is V.I.N.CENT, the perky and adorable hero robot. He was like a floating R2D2 but with big beautiful eyes and a proper voice instead of that bleep boopily beep tweet doop gibberish.

At one stage he comes across another of the same species of robot called Old B.O.B

Old B.O.B
Skew wif

As you can see they look identical, except that old B.O.B has a wabby leg, is all bung around the middle and has mysteriously droopy rounded eyes. The eyes must be made out of some futuristic plastic that can change shape depending on the level of sympathy the robot requires at any given point.

Here are V.I.N.CENT and Old B.O.B together in a touching scene of cross generational robot bonding. In the background you can see MAXIMILLIAN. He’s the bad robot, couldn’t you tell? He’s still pretty cute for the bad guy though. In fact, if I woke up after a night out and found MAX drooling on the pillow next to me I’d be floating on air all of Sunday.

Bunch of Twats
“Where’s my butterscotch candies?”

I can’t be bothered writing anything more about the Black Hole. Besides, I can’t remember any else about it. I’d watch it again, but I have much more important things to do, such as writing smarmy blog entries about the Black Hole using my electrical computer.

The Black Hole on IMDB

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